| Q. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" | | | | college following a close call with the legal system. |
| A. "Something that hasn't been invented yet." | | | | After a four-year stint in the US Navy, she returned to |
| Most of us were brought up to study hard, get good | | | | college, maintained a dean's list grade point average, |
| grades, choose a "practical" college major, and strive | | | | and went on to a top law school. |
| for a "good job." | | | | 4. Encourage your child to experience success in any |
| Talk to a stranded midlife career-changer and you | | | | area of her life. |
| realize the game has changed. Yesterday's rules | | | | Did she make the honor roll? Get selected for a play, a |
| prepared us to be passengers on a large ocean liner | | | | club, or athletic team? Win an election for competitive |
| that promised a smooth voyage. Today we realize | | | | office? Survive a strenuous application process for a |
| that ocean liner turned out to be the Titanic and we | | | | summer job? Once your child has tasted success, he |
| need to keep ourselves afloat on a small life raft if we | | | | will know how it feels and will act like a winner when |
| want to survive. | | | | he enters the job market. |
| Here are some tips to help your child learn not only to | | | | Cecilia, a shy twelve-year-old, blossomed when she |
| survive, but to thrive and grow in a chaotic world. | | | | won the lead in a school play. "We want you to |
| 1. From the first day of kindergarten, encourage your | | | | improve your grades, not spend time in rehearsal!" |
| child to build on strengths rather than focus on | | | | fumed her worried mother. |
| limitations. | | | | To everyone's surprise, Cecilia's grades improved and |
| Does she spend hours studying models of cars for the | | | | she made new friends with the "good kids" who were |
| last twenty years? Maybe she'll become an auto | | | | also achievers. Most important, no matter what |
| mechanic -- or maybe she'll parlay her ability to classify | | | | happens, Cecilia can return to that feeling of success |
| detailed information into a career as a biologist or | | | | whenever she gets discouraged. |
| pharmacist. | | | | 5. Getting into a top university -- or any university -- will |
| 2. Encourage your child to choose a field of study | | | | not guarantee success. |
| based on his or her natural abilities and passions, not | | | | I've met Ivy Leaguers who have experienced |
| "what will get me a job." | | | | unemployment, bankruptcy and even homelessness. |
| Claudia Kennedy, the Army's first female three-star | | | | I've met high school drop outs who flourished on their |
| General, majored in philosophy. In her book Generally | | | | own initiative. In my own small town, a couple with |
| Speaking, she claims philosophy prepared her to | | | | degrees from excellent schools have dropped out to |
| become a top-level intelligence officer. Carly Fiorino, | | | | pursue artistic careers -- and they clean houses to pay |
| famed CEO of Hewlett-Packard, studied medieval | | | | the bills. Recently a minimum wage job was posted by |
| history. And Michael Lewis, financial writer and | | | | a nonprofit -- and several unemployed lawyers applied. |
| best-selling author of Liars Poker, was an art history | | | | Career-changers who face the future with an attitude |
| major. | | | | of "I can handle anything" are the ones who win today. |
| 3. Assure your children that few mistakes are fatal. | | | | Tossed into the ocean, they'll improvise a set of oars |
| Did your child fail a course? Face rejection from a | | | | and keep up their spirits till they figure out what to do |
| first-choice college? Most of us can't avoid an | | | | next. Those who feel betrayed ("I thought I was set |
| occasional failure, but we can learn bounce-back | | | | for life") flounder around for weeks, months, even |
| attitudes as soon as we can talk. | | | | years. |
| Yolanda Griffith, WNBA basketball star, dropped out of | | | | Entitlement is over. Those who have a positive outlook, |
| a premier program due to pregnancy. She returned to | | | | who can seize the unexpected opportunity, can count |
| a lower-ranked college program, baby in tow, and now | | | | on reaching the shore. And they realize that only they |
| plays for the Sacramento Monarchs. | | | | can transform a resting place into a safe harbor. |
| I once taught a student who had flunked out of junior | | | | |