| An arachnophobic...one who believes that
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| | stabbed by an intruder!When she flew into
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| his/her world would do very nicely sans
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| | the bathroom she found me wrapped in a
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| spiders. That's me.I admit I have no
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| | towel, tears streaming from my face,
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| official diagnosis. It's not as though I
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| | blubbering and shaking and doing the
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| went to the doctor one day with strange
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| | willie dance."WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT?!" she
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| spider-fearing symptoms and she said,
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| | yelled.My answer? A point to the shower
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| "I'm sorry, Amy, but you have
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| | stall, water still running. "A
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| arachnophobia." And yet there is no doubt
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| | SPIIIIIIIIDER!" I wailed.When I moved out
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| in my mind that I fear spiders.Phobias
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| | two years later to attend college 90
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| are like that. I understand,
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| | miles away, I can't say she cried a whole
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| intellectually, that in the vast untamed
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| | lot.I always wanted to assuage my phobia,
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| wilds of Albany, New York, I will likely
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| | really I did. I'd heard somewhere that
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| never encounter any spider that could
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| | immersion is useful. You know, if you're
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| actually harm me. But phobia-fear is not
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| | afraid of the water, jump right in - that
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| about logic or rationale. It's about
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| | kind of thing. But the idea of
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| freaking out.I know, I know...spiders are
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| | deliberately placing a spider on my
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| wonderful critters that eat yucky flies;
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| | person was out of the question. I worked
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| spin lovely, mysterious webs and save
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| | for a pet store during summer break in
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| poor, doomed piglets named Wilbur from
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| | college and thought perhaps I'd TOUCH
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| untimely demises. But put one on my arm
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| | their resident tarantula. Nope. No go.
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| and I'll morph instantaneously into a
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| | And yet I'd literally wear a baby ball
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| whirling dervish and blow out your
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| | python snake around my neck all day as
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| eardrums with bizarre, multi-pitched
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| | though it were a necklace. No problemo.
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| half-screams reserved for just such an
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| | Gathering crickets from their tank to
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| emergency. Then, after the spider has
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| | feed customers' reptiles wasn't easy
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| been flung from my arm, we're talking 30
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| | (they're pretty creepy-crawly too), but
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| minutes of recovery time that involves
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| | that's another story.I even had a car
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| checking the rest of my body thoroughly
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| | that seemed to present itself happily as
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| for any other possible hidden spider,
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| | a haven for wanton spiders. Constantly
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| shaking myself like a dog to dislodge
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| | I'd find them setting up residence on the
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| said hidden spider, and scanning the
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| | inside of the windshield. I had two or
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| immediate area in an intense paranoia
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| | three near-death experiences while
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| that slowly wanes along with my elevated
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| | driving, trapped in the car with the
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| heart rate and blood pressure.I spent
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| | object of my greatest fear. I seriously
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| much of my childhood and adolescence in
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| | considered abandoning the car altogether
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| the tireless pursuit and destruction of
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| | one day when a spider crawled out of
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| spiders. I have no traumatic
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| | sight behind the dashboard. With all the
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| spider-centric event on which to blame my
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| | sense of humor I could muster, I named
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| phobia; it was simply always present. The
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| | this car Charlotte. Last year, I gave
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| very idea of the spider...so many
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| | Charlotte away for a song and moved on to
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| different shapes, sizes, behaviors! Teeny
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| | a (knock on wood) spider free vehicle I
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| brownish ones that crouch suspiciously in
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| | quickly named Samantha.I did manage to
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| corners. Delicate gray ones that crawl
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| | get to the point where I could gather up
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| with illicit purpose up walls. And worst
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| | half a roll or so of carefully wadded
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| of all - squat, black ones that jump
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| | toilet paper, reaching my arm out as far
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| without warning!I didn't mind them so
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| | as possible to mush the spider into the
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| much if they were outside and not too
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| | tissue and drop it lightning-fast into
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| close - but a spider in the house was
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| | the toilet, flushing it to a watery
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| entirely unacceptable. There was no stay
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| | grave. This technique got me through most
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| of execution for these hapless
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| | of college without serious incident,
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| arachnids.Ah, but the means of execution
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| | though I still yearned for a partner in
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| was a problem worthy of the great
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| | crime whom I could pay a buck or two to
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| thinkers of our time. Once I spotted a
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| | 'rub off' the offending spider.Then came
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| spider, I of course could not APPROACH it
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| | my after-college roommate and best
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| (unless, by some blessed miracle, I found
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| | friend, Gina.Gina, Buddhist, friend of
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| one on the floor and had great big boots
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| | all creatures...including spiders. This,
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| on, in which case I would stomp on it
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| | of course, presented a problem. I would
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| heartily). Close proximity was dangerous
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| | scream spider and she would come running,
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| and foolhardy.Through necessity I became
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| | but she would not kill."I'll catch it and
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| a brilliant strategist. Usually the
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| | put it outside," she offered.Okay, fine.
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| spider would be planning its evil in an
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| | But often the quick little bugger would
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| upper corner of the room - too high up to
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| | jump off the paper trap she'd fashioned
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| reach, even if I wanted to. Knock it down
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| | and escape. And though I would retreat to
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| with a broom? No, that presented the
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| | a far room during this operation, she'd
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| possibility of its escape - or worse,
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| | come in sheepishly and admit that the
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| falling on me. I would ball myself up on
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| | eviction was unsuccessful. Thus the liar
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| the end of the bed, staring it down,
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| | clause was born."If you lose the spider,
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| thinking...planning.Finally a
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| | you have to tell me you got it outside,"
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| breakthrough. HAIRSPRAY! Being an
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| | I said demandingly, "and you have to
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| adolescent of the 80s, I of course had
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| | sound convincing."To this day I have no
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| plenty. And my technique seemed
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| | idea how many of those spiders were
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| foolproof. Spray the spider from a safe
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| | actually evacuated from our apartment. I
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| distance and quickly retreat even farther
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| | only know that my blessed mind was kind
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| away. The hairspray would paralyze the
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| | enough to believe the lies that I myself
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| spider, making it fall and giving no
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| | had created.My sweet cat Sugar is nestled
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| chance of escape. And oh, it worked, all
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| | in my lap as I type this. Are there those
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| right. With great streaming streaks of
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| | who fear cats as I fear spiders? Is
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| hairspray marking the walls and ceiling.
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| | someone typing an article entitled
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| Once I used a lighter with the hairspray
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| | "Crouching cats, hidden litter box" as
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| and actually torched a spider into
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| | they stroke their pet spider? I shudder
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| oblivion.Needless to say, my immaculate
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| | to think of it.Now I am married and
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| mother was NOT a happy woman.Speaking of
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| | living in our first house. My husband,
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| my mother: Why didn't I simply yell for
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| | just my luck, is another spider-lover.
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| mom or dad to come and do the dirty deed?
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| | (Why all these defenders of spiders?) So
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| I tried, but to no avail. My mother had
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| | far I've killed just two spiders here -
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| no patience for my phobia."Spiders aren't
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| | not bad considering the house is 50 years
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| hurting anyone," she'd say with logic and
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| | old and comes complete with a basement,
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| certainty. "Just leave them alone and
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| | the traditional habitat for spiders of
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| they'll leave you alone."Yes, alone. No
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| | all shapes and sizes.But I still have my
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| big brother or sister (or little one
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| | moments. While setting up the finished
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| either, for that matter) to help. A
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| | portion of our basement for a surprise
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| father who may have helped but was in his
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| | party, I saw the shadow of a spider in
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| own apartment since the divorce. A battle
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| | the corner. It was HUGE...but then, maybe
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| fought solo.One day when I was 16, my
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| | the light was just making it LOOK huge.
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| worst fears came to fruition. I was in
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| | Gosh, where WAS it? I turned different
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| the shower with my head tipped back into
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| | lights off and on to try to determine
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| the water to wash my hair. I opened my
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| | which one caused the shadow. I cautiously
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| eyes for a moment and what I saw nearly
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| | peered around corners and behind
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| made me lose the contents of my bladder.
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| | fixtures, but to no avail. The shadow
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| There was a spider traveling slowly but
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| | didn't move at all and would not go away.
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| directly down on its little invisible
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| | Finally, I took down a container of
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| Batman-wire RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD.My mother
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| | plastic cups from the shelf - and lo and
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| took the stairs three at a time when she
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| | behold, the shadow disappeared. I put the
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| heard the screams. Amy has fallen, she's
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| | cups back on the counter. The shadow came
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| broken bones, bleeding on the floor,
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| | back.
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